Friday, October 08, 2010


I read an old diary last night. I diary of an entire year of my life. The year I chose to read?  My freshman year in highschool. Age 13.
 Wow. Reading about crush after crush, heartbreak after 13 year old heartbreak..reading about major self esteem issues...and friendships gained and friendships lost. The TORTURE of being lovesick and heartbroken!  "Oh my gosh, he looked at me! I am in heaven!" I did not realize how obsessed with boys teenage girls can be. Seriously, I made lists on a daily basis of boys I liked and what I knew about them. GROSS. I read a few to Dave and he looked at me in a frightened sort of way. Didn't think I could scare my husband.

 Huh, I never cease to amaze..

When I was thirteen I would speculate about my life in the future, wondering who I would marry, hoping it would be Brandon....or even Chad!! I would speculate about what my life would be like, would I EVER grow boobs???
It is so funny to me now, my life is so much better than I ever dreamed of, like WAY awesomer!! LOL
I have THE most amazing husband, and although it has taken years for me to fully appreciate just how great he is, I am so grateful for him and could not have asked for a better man by my side. Brandon and Chad don't even hold a candle....
I never imagined I would have kids for some reason. I always wanted to just have pets. But holy crap, by next year I will have THREE!! And it's AWESOME! And I have a fishtank FULL of fish. And they breed like jackrabbits! Who could ask for more?

 After I finished the diary, I just sat there in bed, feeling sort of surreal. It was like reliving something and then suddenly being jolted into the weird. I realized how much I learned since high school, and how much I wish I had known it then! I have learned that beauty comes from within. I have learned that you can't expect everyone to like you, and if they don't like you, you can't hate them into liking you. I have learned that there is no room for jealousy or hatred in anyone's life. (Yeah, I was pretty intense.) Oh man, I found myself wishing I could go back and do it again knowing what I know now..but it is what it is and I guess, years down the road, I learned from the experiences, and I wouldn't be who I am today without it.

p.s. I grew boobs after all.

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