Yeah, I'm here. Let's just say I'm hibernating in my bed for the winter and today I got the urge to get up and let the blogger world know that I don't want to be completely forgotten.
My pregnancy started out seeming like the worse of the three, and now I'm thinking it's the best altogether. We just got a head start on dealing with the problem and now we've got things pretty much figured.
I have a picc line in my arm, like a permanent IV that goes right to my heart, I hook up two bags of fluid daily, and inject Zofran and Phenergan for vomiting(oh it's pretty!) as I need it. I get progesterone shots weekly to help with the irritable uterus, not sure that it's helping since I am contracting quite a bit lately but my doc doesn't seem to be too concerned at this point. (23 weeks) I am on a whole schmorgus(??) board of medications and although I absolutely hate being medicated all the time, I have tried going off them a couple of times and ended up in ICU so I know it's just better to stay on the treatment plan. I only have about 14 weeks left of this anyways so...
I just feel so out of control of my body. I was getting really into mind/body healing and holistic medicine and it kinda all went out the window as soon as I started having issues. I have had to just focus on taking things one day at a time and giving myself credit for every day that I stay positive and on track.
In case you didn't know, we are having a GIRL!!!!
I had a couple of ultrasounds where her legs were closed so we couldn't tell and it was pure torture. Then one night I landed in the ER with the stomach flu, contractions and a passing stone (probably the most painful night of my life so far) and they did an ultrasound to make sure baby was ok and although I was in excruciating pain and throwing up my lungs and most of my internal organs, hearing the technician say GIRL was the best moment of my life so far! Every time I have been in pain or feeling rotten, I just think of pink things and ribbons and bows, and the amazing nursery I am putting together in my head!! We are so excited!! Oh and I am making Dave get the little snip snip. The end.
Since the pregnancy began, I was feeling extremely overwhelmed with my business and I just wanted nothing to do with it EVER again. Every time I sat down here at my desk I would get really nauseated and had to go lay down. Psychological? Yes. I wouldn't even touch my camera and I had begun to loathe the sight of it. I decided at that point that it would be best for my health right now to put the business aside and I decided to sell the camera. Dave was ok with my decision, after several unsuccessful attempts at doing shoots on his own. The camera sold on Amazon within a week or so and we CAREFULLY packaged her up and shipped her off to Oregon. Alas, days later I received an email from the buyer stating that after his wife took a few pictures they noticed lines in the images and then took their lens off and a VERY IMPORTANT piece of the camera's insides fell out! I was completely horrified!!! He wanted a complete refund and said that AFTER HE GETS BACK FROM MEXICO he would ship the camera back to me. UMMM...RED FLAGS people!!! I called Amazon seller support and found out that literally the only thing I could do is refund his money and claim the shipping insurance on the camera for the repair. There is no way for me to prove that it wasn't broken when I shipped it, and no way for me to prove that I think his wife might have broken it during travels to MEXICO..so I have to just blame it on the united postal service and get them to fix it. Either way I lost so much money. BUT what I am so grateful for is the fact that by fate or whatever you might call it, I am getting my camera back. Someone up above is seriously trying to tell me something. Don't quit. I have felt really lame since I decided to put it aside, I miss having all these awesome goals and seeing the rewards of our hard work. Although right now I really have to stay on the down low and focus on getting this baby GIRL(!!!) here without event, I am NOT giving up the very thing that I love. When I am doing photography, I have purpose and I am focused and I just feel GREAT! Dave and I bonded so much during our travels to and from sessions and we learned a lot of valuable communication skills through doing business together. Yes, I needed a long break, a break which I have enjoyed, but we will be putting together a new business plan and actually renaming our business. I have had and will have a long time to think about how I can do things differently and what I would change about the way we did business. I am really excited to get back into it next fall!! And it is KILLING me not having a camera!!! I am halfway through my pregnancy and haven't done even ONE maternity session for myself like I had planned. All my photographer friends live too far for me to go considering the medical stuff I would have to drag along. I think I have been avoiding taking ANY pictures since I have gained about 30 pounds so far...I have had to keep telling myself that I look cute all chubby and preggo. I'm not fully convinced yet, but the power of self affirmation has proven to be effective in my life so far so maybe by the time I deliver I will believe it. ha ha
So, I have been wanting to catch up the blog since October, but honestly there isn't a lot to blog about. Halloween sucked. I came home from a week long hospital stay that day and it was raining and Dave was feeling really overwhelmed with everything and he didn't take the kids out. I think I was more upset about it than they were. They pretty much forgot.
Thanksgiving was spent the Saturday before with David's family and although I had been CRAVING thanksgiving food for WEEKS, that day I completely had no appetite. Serious bummer considering all of the AMAZING food they had there. Thanksgiving day my family was all down in Stansbury Park at my sister's house and I was really really planning on going and I woke up throwing up and spent the day on the couch with a bowl in my lap. I dreamed that night that everyone came to see me at my house and they brought Thanksgiving dinner with them! Oh well, there's always next year!
Christmas was really great though. Dave and I went to Layton and were able to get just about everything the boys wanted all in one trip. It was really nice to get out of the valley and spend some time with Dave. The only time we seem to ever get to go out together anymore is when he's taking me in to the hospital! We got new couches for Christmas which we really have been needing. Our two loveseats just weren't enough room and since I spend most of my time laying on the couch these days, we needed something long enough for my 6 feet of pure woman. ;)
On the day before Christmas Eve my Dad called and said he was taking my Mom to the hospital because she slipped in the kitchen and broke her hip! I seriously haven't felt so anxious in a long time. I was really worried about her and one of my compulsions when I am anxious or upset is to CLEAN and clean I did! The house really needed it anyways and it felt good to finally be ABLE to clean my house. I am so lucky that I didn't go into labor! Anyways, the boys were so excited that night because my Dad came over to spend the night and they stayed up FAR past their bedtime and THEN they slept with him in their tiny twin bed! I had to get up about 5 am and put Jared in the nursery because my Dad was teetering dangerously on the edge of the bed. It really was a funny sight! My Mom had surgery here in Logan the next day and they did a total hip replacement on her. It hasn't even been a week yet and already she is home and doing so well!! I am so relieved because I was worried that this would put her out of commission for a while. She has done so well and stayed so positive and I am really amazed. Just the thought of being cut open and having metal parts put into me just gives me the willies! I will take my kidney stones thank you!!!
The boys were so good to go to bed early on Christmas Eve and I was so excited to play Santa that I kinda took over and Dave didn't get to do much. I felt like a little girl all over again trying to sleep that night. I kept waking up and looking at the clock to see if it was time yet. You would think I would want my kids to sleep as long as possible but no. I couldn't wait to see their faces!! Finally I heard the boys get up and go to the bathroom and I went in and was like "Um, did you guys forget who came to our house in the night?" because they had totally forgotten that it was the long awaited Christmas morning. They both stopped dead in their tracks and then raced up the stairs, Dave and I right on their heels. Ashton was SHAKING. No, for like an hour. We have it on video, it is so hilarious. Jared ran over to the table to see if Santa ate his cookies and egg nog and he exclaimed "Woah!!! Santa is a FAST man!!!" Yeah, "Santa" had heartburn all night because of those cookies and egg nog.
Here are some HORRENDOUS pictures I took with my old cell phone. 2 mp. Sweeet.
As a teenager I started to feel the "magic" of Christmas and presents and "Santa" wear off, and it kinda depressed me. I never thought I would get it back, but being a parent to small children, it is like 10 times more magical. It was so much fun! I got Dave a couple of XBOX games(to my own detriment) and he got me Despicable Me which I loved. We also treated ourselves to new cell phones mainly because my Mom is on our plan and her phone was literally falling apart and wouldn't stay charged, and we wanted her to have a good phone especially since she was in the hospital, so we took advantage of the opportunity to upgrade. Always looking for reasons to get new phones. And sweet phones they are. I seriously slept with mine in my hand last night. I can blog, facebook, watch movies and videos, play solitaire(a recent addiction) and basically do anything my computer can do right from my phone, which is great, because bedrest is nigh. Oh android, where have you been all my life??
Well, enough nonsense, I gotta get back to that couch, it misses me:)