Pages



Sunday, October 04, 2009

longest.post.ever.

Holy WOW. My poor blog you've been neglected. So many things have happened since I posted last. I feel as though I was caught up in a horrible twister of emotion and struggle. Trying to run a business and a home and care for my boys was enough to make me go nutty. Yeah I went a little nutty at times. The good news is, I'm back.. And I'm ready to blog..




RECAP:
JUNE:
My girl Rebekah and I trekked across the dry...rugged..western desert to photograph a wedding in boring old Fresno CA. Who am I kidding, it was a blast!! It was so much fun to leave our children(and Ben ha ha)behind for 3 days (sorry boys, but it was!) Honestly..it should be illegal for me to get paid to do go on vacation and do what I absolutely love to do. SIGH.. we even stayed in the swankiest Days Inn..OH yes with the high end ladies parading the parking lot and the smell of marijuana softly floating on the breeze..I even got to share a bed with my best friend. {I think she's afraid of me, she made a barricade of pillows in the middle of the bed.}
The nice APU man at the front desk was even nice enough to give us a different room when we came home to our door LOCK BEING DAMAGED. It's so comforting...
We stopped in Vegas for about an hour on our way home since I had never been. It was...interesting. Like 3 people asked us if we were Mormon. I'm thinking we looked out of place what with our modest clothing and all. Next time I go I will make sure to fit in. We can't have that happen again, now can we? LOL It was definitely an adventure and I'm looking forward to another!! Here are some pics:
<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/_MG_9123.jpg" border="0">







<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/AshandMichael.jpg" border="0">



July. was. rough. period.
But here are some Fourth of July pictures:)

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly1.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly10.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly12.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly13.jpg" border="0">
<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly14.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly15.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly16.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly17.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly18.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly19.jpg" border="0">
<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly20.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly21.jpg" border="0">
<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly22.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly23.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly24.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly25.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly26.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly30.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly31.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly34.jpg" border="0">
<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly35.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly36.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly37.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly38.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly39.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly4.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly40.jpg" border="0">
<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly43.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly5.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly6.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/4thofjuly8.jpg" border="0">

That was a really fun day. I am really grateful for my siblings. Although not all of them were there, it felt so good to be surrounded by family. Down in Santaquin I often felt so alone..so cut off. I am definitely not overlooking the fact that Dave's sister Kathy was there for me when she could be. She did a lot for me. I {heart} her!
Also, I can't even express how much I love my best friend Rebekah. Her unconditional love and support for me have helped me through so many things. xo
AUGUST:
I moved in with my sister Katie and her family. I am so humbled by the fact that they moved their lives(and their house) around for me, to bring us into their home and sacrifice so much for me. I know it was difficult for them to have me and my boys there, my boys...create...dirt somehow and they are not exactly easy on things. I was not a peach either, and I know it. I felt so lost. SO lost. I lost focus in my children, my business suffered, and everyone around me thought I was crazy. I was.
Here are some pics I took in August:



<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_8.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_6.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_5.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_7.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_3.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_4.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_2.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83_1.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/83.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/_MG_4133.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/_MG_4123.jpg" border="0">

<span class=Photobucket" src="http://i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll270/ashleyhawkes85/_MG_1725.jpg" border="0">

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket
I have never felt so lost, without direction, alone than I did the first week of september. I remember the day I finally hit my knees..september 8th. I wish I would have done it sooner. The warmth I felt.. and the comfort.. cannot be replicated. I knew what I had to do and I was given the strength and the desire to move forward and DO IT. The first week with Dave home was rough. So much opposition. But I can tell you this: Sometimes the best path to take isn't always the easiest...but it is definately worth it.

2 comments :

  1. KatieOctober 6, 2009 at 10:33 PM

    Cute Pics Ashley, Thanks for posting those!

    ReplyDelete
  2. SweetpeaNovember 24, 2009 at 7:34 AM

    i hear ya...all i can say is always hang in their...I dont know how many times i've wanted to give up....but i'm so glad that i didn't and right now i have my whole family with me this week...what a big accomplishment...never thought we would get this far.

    ReplyDelete